Who is on Your Side? Fear?

7th January, 2009 - Posted by Maude -

What if your life isn’t really out to get you? What if the fates aren’t conspiring against you? What if you are not locked in mortal combat with the cosmos? What world would you be living in? What would there be to fear? Who would be your enemy? What could they really do to you?

Byron Katie has said “Your life is not happening to you, it’s happening for you.” Those are powerful words. They bring us back to reality. Wow. They also offer us an opportunity to face our fears in a new way.

Rob Brezsny has written an entire book about this concept, Pronoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. If you sign up for his newsletter he will kindly and gently remind you every week of more ways that this is true. He finds examples from all over the globe of the goodness of this life. His case for this alternative view of the Universe is at least compelling, often inspiring, sometimes hilarious. Maybe he has a point.

With all the problems in the world, though, why focus on the possibility of goodness when there is so much to fear? Aren’t we just playing ostrich when we turn away from the horror going on all around? Maybe, or maybe not.

Maybe FDR had it right when he told us so long ago that there was nothing to fear but fear itself. Maybe the fear IS the problem. Gandhi exhorted us to “be the change you wish to see in the world.” How can we help anyone or serve anyone when we are frightened? How can we help birth blessings while centered in fear? The fact is, we can’t.

How do we move out of fear and into the blessings? It’s not easy. Occasionally a lucky soul will suddenly be struck brave, but more often we move away from and out of our fears in very small steps. The problem with our steps is that they don’t look like they will help. Our fearful minds tell us that small actions don’t help. Our fearful minds tell us that we are not brave and our pathetically small actions won’t help a bit. In reality they are the only actions we have so they are just what is needed.

Edwene Gaines in her book The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity offers a powerful process to antidote fear. To practice it, take out a piece of paper. Remember you are not doing anything yet, only writing. First, list five extremely scary things that there is no way you would ever do or even want to do. Second, list five scary things that you have always dreamed about doing but have never had the nerve to do. Third, list five small and only slightly scary things that you cold do today if you chose to. Fourth, choose the most appealing of those five small things and write out what the first step would be to doing it. Fifth, take that first step.

A friend used Edwene’s process and experienced a surprising result. Among many other fears, she was afraid of heights. Several of the items on her first and second lists had to do with heights. Bungee jumping and climbing Mt. Everest were both on her never list. But for the third list she wrote that she could possibly, maybe try walking across a bridge. Living in Portland, she has many to choose from. After all, Portland is often referred to as Bridge City for a reason.

Determined to do only one small thing she drove to a nearby bridge. She walked out as far as she could before fear made her knees buckle. She didn’t know what to do. She looked up and saw two women out for some exercise walking towards her. She approached them and said, “I’m overcoming my fear of heights. Would you be willing to walk back across the bridge and let me walk behind you?” Of course, the women thought this was wonderful and were happy to help. Our friend walked one step at a time in fear across the bridge. She was afraid the entire time. She shook and her hands were sweating. The fear did not go away. But she DID walk across the bridge - and back without the women. She didn’t see how this would help but was very glad that she had managed a small amount of courage.

A short time later she came across a series of challenges in her life, especially financial challenges, that created great fear in her. Each time she saw herself on the bridge walking one step at a time. Each time the image helped her know she could walk through her fear. Our friend still has a fear of heights. She has walked across the bridge a few times since and still experiences a rush of fear. But now she knows she CAN do it whether she is afraid or not. She knows the power of taking one tiny step and she has used this in other areas whenever she is afraid.

More importantly, in several other areas of her life where she was feeling stuck for long periods of time, she experienced some release. This was not magic. She didn’t win the lottery. No one came along and solved all he problems for her. She cleaned and decluttered her house. She got back her energy. She lost 35 pounds. She started an art project just for fun. She wrote a short story that was published. She gained clarity about what she wanted from her work life and started her own business. Was this all because she walked across the bridge? We can’t know the answer to that in a scientific way. Our friend has told as that as a result of the bridge crossing she experienced a psychic shift and things started to go her way in unexpected and delightful ways. Who are we to argue?

Who profits when you are in fear? Who gains when you stay small and safe in a limited world? Does anyone have a vested interest in your being afraid? Does it makes anyone’s life easier or make them richer when you feel insecure? Ask yourself.

After World War II the great writer Gertrude Stein said that what the world needed was for someone to teach the German people to think for themselves and stop being obedient. Maybe we could all use a little of that right now too.

Many people all over the world ask daily for the “courage to change the things they can.” What can you change? What fear can you face? It doesn’t matter how small it is - it’s exactly the fear facing that matters!

Facing our fears, refusing to be ruled by fear, may be the most radical thing we can do today. If fear cannot control us then surely we will have the courage to do the things we need to do, whatever they are.

The world has known many Maude-like women who knew how to face more than a little fear. In their names and in honor of all their spirits we can certainly kick up our heels, sing out in whatever voice we can muster, and we can certainly take one tiny, powerful step towards freedom.

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.
Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.
Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.
To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits
in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.
 - Helen Keller

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

1 Comment

Chris T.

January 8th, 2009 at 2:38 pm    


I think I know that woman.

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